Sunday, January 11, 2009

the title

I was wondering about the word tactiturn. is it a tactic of mine to be so. of course not, i think so. i had a feeling that i have changed from 2001. my dual persona has come to play a bigger role from that period. I dont know how to deal with it but its true began to  judge people in different ways and compatmetalize my people somehow for no reason. 

what was earlier me is out of question. I recently me one of my classmate Biji mol. I was excited to meet her but didnt had any inhibition for her. i actually felt verygood meeting her after such a long time but more of the fact that she remind me of myself. for once more I had the feeling that I havent cahnged at all.

so why do I think I have changed. may be its because of my thanhayi again of the inhibition of not meeting people in public. I always believd in one thing that all my life I get to meet people half of whom will like you and half wont like you and there will be loads of relatives who will be with you for no reason. so far I am quite happy about the people I met in life. 

to talk about my tacturnity what I was always was and is about my thoughts. for me what is me is what I think, how I think . 

so people in my life didnt had any direct influence on my thoughts. I never had to sulk on anyone. I never was the wannabe.  I never flirted with anyone.  I never questioned anyone . I never judged anyone. I treated the people I met in my life as equals.  I never could find a reason to frown on anyone.  I never took anyone for granted. i always gave the space and trust that everyone needed in the relationship. 

so why am I complaining today, if it is one. again I gone back to what I was . I should be concentrating on what i am today. 

 when you stop thinking the others will do it for you. they r the one who decide what i should become. whom i should be meeting. decide what i do in life and give accounts of every second of my life.  for a person like me its not that complicated to ignore such minds but for once there should be one weak moment when me too want to part my attitude. and its hurts when i gets impulsive and remember i never had a spat in my whole life. 

but today I just forget to forgive. i stopped practicing tolerance. i keep note on every move they make. ok forget it , i was just talking about the people who i have met in my life who dont like you.  that part will be there for the life so y worry unlil they are on you .

so i shoudent be saying the duality, its part of life. anyone had to deal with it as i am not used to it at all. anyways trying to  keep out the dirt of of the mind and keep the spirit going.

for not to change  think of the people who i love and who likes me. i am back to be myself and keep my taciturnity.  

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