My eyes despised the very view of your eyes
Even with that I pleased to have something
Special were those moments that touched me

So rude were the feeling I had for that instant

Deep drawn desire ended in a tasteless scent

Delighted were those, who got in its senses

My proud heart fell for those pains of sin

Yet to be sensed all that in with his eyes

Any feast that could happen to, is desired

My helpless heart strikes hard to serve you.

all alone

ALL ALONE

Deep down the empty lanes I used to walk
The green grass the dry leaves and the air
The birds hopped around to the pleasure
The deep blue sky shine with the rays
The moving clouds that are calm and quiet
All has life but could not measure the thoughts
All I could hear in the idleness of my tears
Is my heart, which is desires for a surprise
As the rose choked in the grass and the buddy
Twigs that raise to get the ray of light to fall
I desired and screamed to get the attention
But my voice were lost in the silence of my heart
As the flow of music to an unlistening street

cross my mind

yesterday too i met one old class met , as usual i didnt had anyting to ask, but well thats not the case with every class met or school mates . but the usual wide smile and hi and bye. she herself was in a hurry , i really thanked GOD. only in these few occations i rem GOD , while outside.
i keep a different persona while going out, very frigid in my attitude, has to get over it .i can be as superficial at times. very bad me. no one ever touched my mind. i have to think . i am too colourful for my age that becomes a problem while meeting old school mates.
will see what happens.

All over again

Oh my gosh , not again, how many times i start a blog and leave it half way, i dont have anything to write. i am too much back to my shell so that no one can pich my tacitunity. i dont know how to get rid of it all over again. i am still trying. how many a times shall i pinch. its reallu began to hurt. not much to write i am waiting to have a topic of course other than myself.

the Wall

Today I met my dear friend Binoy, who used to stay at the house opposite mine. After he moved to his new house i havent met him that much just for weddings and other occations only. but is somewhat dear to me, or dearer than his sister. today he is the proud fater of two daughters. and in the little chat he told that how naughty these kids were at home and dirtying all the wall. 

so whats so peculier about it, its the usual thing to do of the kids of that age.

really?? i was wondering, how being the lover of paints i never got to draw even a dot on my walls. I think I never didnt had the thought that I could ever use the wall as a canvas. Why me my brother too wodent have done that. I am not sure if we were doing the right thing by not dritying the place around. As far as i can remember my mother werent that strict on us as she herself had load of work to complete in those days. so y arent we thinking of drawing on the wall?

I hear my mom saying proudly to her friends that we as kids were quite nice , never made fights in front of her , both doing ttheir own stuff in the same room very quietly.

y were we so? my brother was born that way immense love for his mother, he didnt even sleep until mom completes all her job at home. he waits so camly and wont even sleep as i fell asleep always. 

so things silly as this we havent experienced as kids , feel bad. I think it was just our love for mom that we both didnt wanted to bother mom. feel good. 

The Kathakali effect

For quite some time I had the wish to watch live Kathakali. I wasn’t sure , if I would be able to enjoy that or not as I had no idea about it at all. All I seen them in films and ads. Really felt bad. I had the opportunity to watch one in cochin, promoted by a group of kathakali lovers , six of them. I wonder do they really formed the art group for the sake of it or for something else, ok leave it.

 I had the desire and time to watch one so I decided to go for it. I went in took the ticket for 400 rupees and they told me the show will begin by 5 30 in the evening, I did some bird watching and came back by 6 pm. the stage was all set but not for performance but for the make up and as audience a bunch of foreigners. I felt so strange and happy too that I am not the only illiterate in this art.

 Thy have lighted up a vilakku with incandescent lamp and did the face make up and people were all around to see how they do and what color and materials they use for make up and what make up goes for what kind of character.  People awed to know that its all organic. I felt too boring and was thinking what will the story will be and how will I know who is who in makeup.

 

The makeup got over in an hour and they lighted the vilakku to create the feel and mood for the katha. One guy came up and announced that the story is of “Dussasana Vadam”  and that for the people to understand the form better they will be demonstrating the “RASA” as in face expressions, some movements as in the “PADAs” and a small workshop to demonstrate what movement meant what , that we should also perform on stage.

While they setup the stage they gave us the story in a sheet of paper. it was about dussasana vadam, how he trochered panchali, her appeal to Krishna and eventually how bhima kills dussasana.

Oh even I don’t rem the story clearly even today.

The interaction part was really good and I enjoyed most of it some of them got to scream like bhima and fight with the wooden gadha.

 The guy dressed up in panchali came over and showed the rasa, no one looked at the ranam everyone clicked so do I. then he told about the actions and mudras that they will be using in this part and some dailoges which every one participated. Like how to scream, how to call and ask to sit here and how to tell to leave and how to fight with the “GADHA” and how to show blood on stage etc etc…

 I really don’t know what happened , I liked the screaming part as I knew they were doing that, for what reason . all the other parts I was just awful. How appalling could that be, being a mallu and don’t understand a line of the songs. Anyways I did had the courage to stay there till the end when bhim had the fight and finally took the small intestine out. 

I was eight when it got over and first thing I did was to drink water. 

for the interest of the environs

I was very proud myself as I believed that I doesn’t contribute much to the environment until one fine day I decided to calculate my carbon emissions. The result proved me completely wrong. I emit more carbon than the average Indian does. So I decided to change myself .

Well well by the way how can I change my habits. Ok start from simple things. Changed all the incandescent lights with cfls. I even used it for the one which lighted the front corner of the house, but in no time I have to find another bulb as its gone. Then I decided to cut off the lights which mom use to illuminate the house from the exterior. It was a big blow to my feng shui as it says that one should not leave any dark corners in your house. But I let my belief to go. But it helped me in recycling. Always keep the house clean replace all the faulty things and become more functional. That really worked, that’s what I thought.

I started reading the labels when ever I go shopping. And I tried to avoid aerosol sprays, but most of them says that they don’t use cfc to fill it up , I was a bit confused and took the decision not to use them at all.

But I realized that my house does not contribute that much than I do with my choices. I like to drive the car to go to any place. I feel ashamed as the elderly were walking early morning to go to temple and in return trip they do the daily purchases , I would never do that. I forget when I last took a bus in my town.

 I think that I doesn’t spend much on clothing and accessories. Really. I do make purchases when ever I feel like I need to change my wardrobe. if not in my town I would travel at least 300 kms to do just that, shopping.

so how bad can it get. How much I contribute without even knowing just because of this. Does it get compensated if I think that I will give my older ones in charity???

 How often I go out to eat, when I can straight away change that when I am trying hard to reduce my dimensions myself. Do I really want to change that?? 

We often go it temples far off just for the fulfillment of our religious mind, when we can do donations and poojas and offering online and by post. Do we ever get to get rid of that habit. Think how much more they might be contributing to fulfill our poojas. 

With it comes the fuel consumption,  needless to say how do it contribute to the emissions. We have the public transport but will I ever get into that??

 I have turned to be a vegetarian.  Has it done any good to my health. How much transport cost is included in a single meal of mine. Cant I grow my own vegetables??

 How much my garden contribute, ok lets leave it as its natural.

 How often I Google.  Cant I stick to balckle for a while as it claims its takes less to power a black screen.

 Well well if you ask about the economies of it I have to keep shut and keep all these in my widest dreams. So even if I am sticking to the basic minimal things I can do to soften the emissions its good.

 it's amazing how much difference a couple of minor changes will make.  But even writing this I didn’t want o write about the other choices with which I lead my life.