Wednesday, January 28, 2009

my eating habits

I was a bindas prolific artist when it come to masticate food. I wont say no to any kind of food and enjoyed ever y morsel of it. that clearly shows on me and I veryoften say that I dont remember the day when I was thin.
I love to eat and to feed others and there is nothing I enjoy like eating out. I cant say I am a good cook as I doesnt know to cook the simple sambar as it taste different each time. so is the case with Rasam. But I manage in both with the curry masala and coriander.

my eating habits have cahnged a lot from 2002. I want to become a vegan but dont know if possible or not. hopefully some day i can do that too as i have completely said NO to the EGGS, which was my fav.
I dont know what has changed in me other than age but i have turned to good food but just for myself i never advised anyone to take that in my family, as its not possible. I have said no to fish a long time back may be when i was seven eight but i took eggs to my twenties. one fine day i started eating chicken and some other stuff too and I ate loads of shrimp, the factory processed one for exporting and i really loved that.

so what kind of changes, well a hell lot , and I have learned to grow what i eat too. so no stagfaltion can affect me for a month. i eat most leafy stuff as in muringa and wheat and rice and spinach and everything which i get from my home garden. some times i feel like a cow but i the changes in my diet has not changed my shape so people wonder what i really eat.
I think its because I have taking a lot of protin in leguminous food to pump up my muscles.

I have pulled out airated drinks , meat, deep fry , cakes , sweet from my life. so life will be boring na. what shall i do now. but i cook all these for others. last time i cooked chicken and i didnt get the smell of it too , a bit strange na. no body believe me , but i dont want to believe it entirely as i take sweets of the traditionl kind with ghee and sugar and wont say no to chocolates.

i think i can pull off with my diet for some time too.
I forgot to write , I did offered the painting to the lord when my parents came to visit the LORD. It was quite a fulfilling moment.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

ende kanna

            some time back when i was 15 i asked mom to get me the gita. i got one from guruvayoor. its a different sort as its of the iskon group in english and sanskrit. till date i havent read that completely but its done  great good for me. it had some interesting paintings of the lord one of which i was deeply inspired by. but i found it very tough to draw one. and when i was in guruvayoor i wanted to make an offering to the lord in the form of painting. 
i took the book and got the photocopy of one of the picture.  got the cloth canvas from the button shop and i had the paint with me. draw the outline and kept with me for sometime, as i did not had the courage to fill it up with color. 
so i waited and i finally got to meet swarna as i felt is god sent for me. she is from mumbai and had a interest in painting too.  i showed the drawing to her and she offered me help to fill up the foliage in the pict. i thanked god and her and i started off the paint in water color. its was tough as water on canvas was the first for me and i took some poster color to mix with as i know to use the tint of the water color not the shadeing part. 
and i finished up the painting doing day and night. As promised  swarna hepled me with her part too. and i did the finishing touches especially the shading part and all.  i had to put the u shaped mark in his forehead , i wanted it in white and she insisted it to  be in red , no guessing finally who won. 
and i showed it to all the gals for approval and most of them liked. myself content.  next thing was to get it framed and i found out one place to do that too. 
           guess what , who i met near the frame shop . it was our dear teacher Ms Mrinalini comming out from the hotel behind the shop. i didnt know what to do i had the painting and didnt wanted her to see as she approched i giggled off in my useal style. I felt that she was happy to meet me there and asked what i was doing and all and she caught me straight and took the pict from me , and and a  short pause she glanced trough and gave me the look. if ever u get to know her u will know what is she as the teacher. so no price for telling what happened. 

Thursday, January 15, 2009

wondering what to write on about me next.  I think its time that you look back a bit and acknowledge the people and events that has happend in your life. so let me go trough the people who has helped me in being what i am today. other than my brother mom and dad. 

even though me and my brother is in two extremes at this point of life he has been the light of my life . ok let him go for a while.

 i was thinking of the people who has instilled the principles in life. well not all of them will be as important but i like to remember a few.  

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


This blog is from the yahoo 360 one. I need to make a bit of modification to it as today it’s a different time and situation. So I need to start with the spicy mail story to write on. but i dont have one today.

I wonder how my group members tackle me and my mails as its is very obviously I me myself in my mails. Projecting me as so superior being that I had a view on anything and everything and that too is not to be questioned. Hope fully some of them will be deleting when ever they see mine. This blog I wrote when I was waiting for some mail from the post man which I myself have forgotten by now.  

            So as I am waiting and waiting I thought of writing about my mail life. Oh what to write on about the mail. Mail is still a new word for me I am used to the post, and the postman and the post office and the post box and not mail. I don’t remember who has written the first letter to me. May be some greeting cards send by some friends from school for Christmas. I had even thought of buying some cards for myself and post to me. good idea na as the post office was two buildings away form my house. Not now that was some time ago as I was alone and waiting to receive some greetings on Christmas holidays. Thought wasn’t that bad I think, to keep myself happy (on a cost).

            I have written letters only to a few of my friends. The lucky ones were Raji my dear that’s how I greet , and Arathy and Shylaja. Few na but I used to write tons on nothing. But I got reply form only shylaja  and Raji dear. Shylaja and myself together from our school days and was seated next to me for two years of pre degree. Her mom calls her lali. But I never used that. She is a pretty girl with long curly hair and sweet voice. We both were nice to each other so when we departed we kept in touch through our mails. And Raji dear started writing to me when she got married and went off to London. That’s mails were really elaborate ones as we have to write tons and tons on ourselves. Me as usual would write some limericks on hindi in between the news. And needless to say these two were the people who appreciated my skills on dohas not as much as Kabir received but definitely never forgot to “thariff me” as in compliment. Arathy I used to write just to annoy her, once in a blue moon she responded in a bit of paper and posted to TKMCE, I doesn’t know how I got that.  To arathy it was more phone calls than mails.

            Now that I don’t write and post. I compose and mail. But unfortunately not that much response. All the technology won’t make you feel good even though everybody is only a click away. Why is that I don’t have to wonder because I myself do have  the “not responding to mail syndrome”.

            Do you know when was our mail system started in our good old India Raj. I have to research for that so not going to that. I heard of the “anchal oothakaran “ as they were called in those early days in Kerala from my mom. She had an uncle who is a mail man and has to go door to door  bare foot to deliver mail. He once put his foot on ash which was still burning inside and burned his whole feet and had to retire from that post as he was not able to run. It was really a hard job as he has to traverse through different kinds of terrains. There were cases when the Runners on duty were carried away by tigers, drowned in flooded rivers, bitten by venomous snakes, buried in avalanche or murdered by robbers and were plundered by highway robbers resulting in the loss of several lives. In the face of all these dangers, the Runners seldom shrunk from their responsibilities. Hope they had some sort of paramvir chakras.

Sir C.V. Raman - the great scientist and the Nobel Prize winner was initially a Postal Officer. One rare memory I had read somewhere. Another being the one of Tagore on the post office I am not sure of the story the kid in the story says that he wants to be the postman with the king and deliver mail from door to door. Something like that. Ok that was all history.

Today hearing of all sorts of stories on mail. The  Netherlands national post office began using a dairy company to carry packages to people’s doorsteps. I wonder if that is possible here as I haven’t seen any milk delivery in town an unlikely alliance for sure. One story of our postcard reminds me of the Doordarshn programme called surabhi which was hosted by the lady with a sparkling teeth Renuka,  the end of the program is the question which has to be answered through a post card and those people got to get millions of card every week.

Needless to mention of those who has suffered the most just because of the letters that they wrote to their secret ones. Heard of the Mahatma Gandhi letters in auction.  Just now I remembered the letters my mother got from her son when he got his first job and moved to Madras and then to Bangalore and To the US. She has a collection of those which do not resemble those written by Nehru and his daughter but I mention it as so. The best thing about those letters is that it just makes me proud of my command of Malayalam over his. He never messes up on paper no matter how many mistakes he makes the letters were like printed ones. And I had the rare opportunity to receive almost all the mails that he got from his female fans in and around Kollam. If I were a boy I would have made use of those.

            Last year I cleaned up all my paper stuff and moved it to my office room . mom had ordered me to get rid of my old stuff which were with me since 1980’s. definitely I need to clear all that. I felt very sad to read one of the card Biju had handed to me some time back and I never had opened it and read. As compensation I had promised him to give back something from the one he has given me with an extra something too. I really liked that gesture of his. Another surprise mail I received was from Das which I never thought that he will ever have me as a friend. He was the guy who was with me in our guruvayoor office.

               Some more people I have added to my distress healing mail list. That is when ever I feel down I would write to them as I don’t have the EGO problem with them. Shyam and anitha my class mates were on the top most list. And now I have added Reema and Venkit too. Reema was my room mate in Chennai and I feel like she will be there for me anytime even tough we never had such a close knit relation .venkit is new found man who is a jeweler in trivandrum which I have contact only trough mails and phone I never met him in person.



Sunday, January 11, 2009

after a long long time i get to think for myself. i used to do in my restless days when i was suffering from sleeplessness. now i am not that sleepless but i need to cook stories to get to sleep. so what i do the best to romance with my thoughts. and woke up early too. i do have to think to write all that i cook. lets see..............

the title

I was wondering about the word tactiturn. is it a tactic of mine to be so. of course not, i think so. i had a feeling that i have changed from 2001. my dual persona has come to play a bigger role from that period. I dont know how to deal with it but its true began to  judge people in different ways and compatmetalize my people somehow for no reason. 

what was earlier me is out of question. I recently me one of my classmate Biji mol. I was excited to meet her but didnt had any inhibition for her. i actually felt verygood meeting her after such a long time but more of the fact that she remind me of myself. for once more I had the feeling that I havent cahnged at all.

so why do I think I have changed. may be its because of my thanhayi again of the inhibition of not meeting people in public. I always believd in one thing that all my life I get to meet people half of whom will like you and half wont like you and there will be loads of relatives who will be with you for no reason. so far I am quite happy about the people I met in life. 

to talk about my tacturnity what I was always was and is about my thoughts. for me what is me is what I think, how I think . 

so people in my life didnt had any direct influence on my thoughts. I never had to sulk on anyone. I never was the wannabe.  I never flirted with anyone.  I never questioned anyone . I never judged anyone. I treated the people I met in my life as equals.  I never could find a reason to frown on anyone.  I never took anyone for granted. i always gave the space and trust that everyone needed in the relationship. 

so why am I complaining today, if it is one. again I gone back to what I was . I should be concentrating on what i am today. 

 when you stop thinking the others will do it for you. they r the one who decide what i should become. whom i should be meeting. decide what i do in life and give accounts of every second of my life.  for a person like me its not that complicated to ignore such minds but for once there should be one weak moment when me too want to part my attitude. and its hurts when i gets impulsive and remember i never had a spat in my whole life. 

but today I just forget to forgive. i stopped practicing tolerance. i keep note on every move they make. ok forget it , i was just talking about the people who i have met in my life who dont like you.  that part will be there for the life so y worry unlil they are on you .

so i shoudent be saying the duality, its part of life. anyone had to deal with it as i am not used to it at all. anyways trying to  keep out the dirt of of the mind and keep the spirit going.

for not to change  think of the people who i love and who likes me. i am back to be myself and keep my taciturnity.  

Its the first of this kind

People call me as shy and reserved , am I so. I wanted to reserch on I me myself. so whats a better place to be . its will be me and may thanhai all along this blog.